One year ago today my son, Titus was born. One year ago today he died.
I hate it when people say I was robbed. Robbed by who? Some say God. Some say nature. Mother nature can be a cruel monster they'll utter. And robbed of what, exactly? The only thing I was robbed of is what God never intended for me in the first place. My faulty expectations were stripped away. God is sovereign. That remains.
In a conversation I shared recently, the death of Titus was compared to the tragic loss of a teenager because a drunk driver swerved his car. "God is sovereign in both situations" I argued. "And the better thing to happen did because God is good. Titus' death, while very difficult for me to understand, is what God willed for his own purposes and glory." My friend felt differently.
"I guess your loss" the friend said, "was part of God's plan, so I can see how you can say 'God is sovereign' and this brings God glory somehow. But it's not as if a drunk driver robbed a you of your teenager or something. That's very different."
As I thought about his comments, I realized that his man's theology gives a lot of power to sinful behavior as well as simple men. "Is the drunk driver more powerful than God?" I asked; "Because if you say no, then I wonder why God would allow the drunk to swerve his car. Unless God is wicked, which the Bible say's he is not, he must allow such a thing for some purpose that will bring God glory?"
Today I am sad at the loss of Titus. I sometimes catch myself fantasizing about what was never to be. But I know that God is sovereign. The Bible proclaims it to be so. I know that Titus' short life was purposed by God and I pray that he brought God glory. The same is true for the lives of my other children, and my wife, and me, and the congregation I pastor.
I find my comfort in the sovereignty of God. And as I remember and celebrate Titus' life, I praise the one who strips me of my faulty thinking. No, God didn't rob me. Instead, he gave me a gift. And for that I'm thankful.
Happy Birthday Titus.